Happy Birthday, Poppy

Today, on January 5th, 2012, my Dad would have turned 82 years old.



Happy Birthday to the best Merry-Go-Round riding buddy, ever.

Thought of the Day

I would like to thank everyone who offered their support, hugs, and love after reading my rambling blog post yesterday. Thank you for being our friends, and thank you for listening to me go on, and on, and on....

Two things happened after my emotion filled purge yesterday. First, my friend, Ahnalira, posted something on her Facebook wall last night which really spoke to me: All feelings matter.

Then, earlier today, as I was reading an email from a MPD (fancy, medical name for Mom's freaky blood disorder) list and support group that I haven't gotten around to unsubscribing from, this quote came up as the 'Thought of the Day'.

God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

~ Reinhold Niebuhr

My sister loved this quote.

So did Mom.

Even if you don't believe in God, just go ahead and insert the person or thing which gives you strength into that quote. I am all about personal choices, and I can't bear the thought of someone missing out on such a positive message!

My heart would love to believe that I was meant to see those things as a gentle (or possibly, smack me upside the head?) reminder. Ahnalira's post was clear to me, but I've been thinking all day about that quote. My thoughts?

To me, this quote is all about trusting in yourself.

It's about being brave enough to make the choices and changes that are necessary to make yourself a better person. Not so much for others; mostly, for yourself.

It's about being wise enough to figure out what things are available for change. For example, I can't change that Mom is gone. Trust me, I would if I could. I bet if you had any control over that, you would change it for me as well. I know that for a fact because anyone who takes the time to read our blog is pretty awesome like that!

Since none of that is possible, though, there is something very important that I can do. I can start by embracing those crazy emotions and by giving myself the permission to cry at things that others may not find as a trigger for tears. Perhaps it might be a flower, or a coffee cup, or even the scent of medical tape.

Yes, I know the medical tape thing is weird. It reminds me of Mom, though, so that makes it okay. For you, it might be something more, ummmm, normal?

According to Mark, the best thing I can do is to stop being so hard on myself about the way I am dealing with days like this. He's so wise, that man of mine!

I know it won't be easy, but if I take it one step at a time, it won't be so difficult. Just like getting on the treadmill, and trying to meditate, and eating well, I know it will make me a much healthier woman. After all, if Mama isn't happy and healthy, no one is, right?

So today, I shall start with some positive, happy thoughts!

Happy Birthday, Mom, or Mommy, or Grammy, or Gramster, or The Gramatola of Rockinrolla, or Rusty, or Wilson, or PG Funk, or G-Funk Railroad, or Mama V.



If love was measured by the many terms of endearment you were known by, you would be the wealthiest woman in the world!



No wonder you let us get away with it for so long...lol!

Forever Young

Forever young.

That's what my sweet friend Gail left as a comment after I posted on Facebook that my sister Renee would have been 38 years old today.

She was born on April 27th, 1971, two years my junior, the blond to my auburn. We lost her when she was just two months shy of turning 24.



After fighting as most sisters do through our teen years, she happily agreed to walk me down the aisle to marry the man who would love me forever. As we strolled towards his smiling face, we both cried like crazy. She leaned down and whispered in my ear that I was the most beautiful bride ever, which made me cry even harder.



A few years later, the three of us traveled together on a dream vacation to Mexico. She got tan, I got sunburn, and Mark stepped in to play her bodyguard when quite a few men in Cancun wanted to whisk her away and marry her.



A year later she was gone. Our family would never be the same, but in some ways, the loss of someone we loved so much made us appreciate each other even more.

Gail, who loved Renee as her own, also wrote to me today that the warm weather makes her think of Renee. My sister absolutely loved the beach, and it was the place that made her happiest. I've read that some believe that Heaven is your own idea of utopia. If that is true, then I'd like to paint a picture of Renee's Heaven...

The scent of suntan lotion permeates the air, nature's boom box plays the sound of waves crashing on the shoreline, coral painted toes are buried in the sand, and there's not a care in the world.

If I could imagine her anywhere, that would be it.

And somehow, that thought makes me smile a little on a day when I miss her so, so much.